我正和女友ooxx呢,她的手机突然响了

英式没品笑话百科 2021-06-11 18:25

今年万恶的618购物节又又开始了,不管买不买,可以把现金红包先领了。

淘宝搜密令:孩子吃了很喜欢

第一次必出现金红包。祝大家好运!


       



Midway through sex my girlfriend's phone started ringing.

"That can wait," I told her.

"Hmm...It might be my boss," she replied.

I tried to get her back into our sexual encounter. "I'm your boss, baby."

"Well, you don't feel like him."

 

我正和女友上床呢,她的手机突然响了。

 

别管他。我说。

 

...万一是我老板呢?她说。

 

我想让她专心一点:我就是你的老板,宝贝。

 

但是触感不一样啦。


——incredibleinkpen






I'm so glad I failed as a musician and pop star in the 70s.

 

Non of the kids I shagged never even knew my name.

 

很高兴我在上世纪70年代的歌星梦失败了。

 

我上过的小孩里,没有一个人知道我的名字。


——KIMJONGTRUMP






Man who slapped Emmanuel Macron is a 28-year-old 'medieval role-playing' fan who dresses as a knight, owns a copy of Mein Kampf, and lives with his mother.

 

At least he's about to lose his virginity.

 

掌掴法国总统马克隆的28岁男子是一个中世纪角色扮演爱好者,他喜欢穿着骑士装,拿着希特勒的《我的奋斗》,而且现在还和母亲住在一起。

 

至少他现在终于要失去自己的童贞了。


——ponga






Why is it that for women the words "I promise" do not constitute a promise but for a man the words "sure", "whatever", "maybe", "probably not" and "what?" do?

 

如果女人嘴里的我保证不代表承诺,那男人嘴里的” “随便” “或许吧” “可能不是” “什么?为什么就算呢?


——MoneyBadger






What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?

An immediate cessation of funding and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee

 

牛和章鱼杂交会怎么样呢?

 

失去研究资金,并且受到伦理委员会的严厉斥责。



——TheProffalken


 

       










别想睡觉





善良小熊





我靠我也不知道啊!我在自己城市开车都是开导航的




习惯性道歉




舒适区


——@图图我是你牛爷爷啊



之前笔者发过没人想要的无用发明的发明家Matt Benedetto,最近做了个黄油玉米涂抹机,烤玉米涂上黄油,香喷喷!真的超好吃!




今天的没品班同学:@Moor-eeffoc



         



Dogs don't really understand the entertainment value of what's on TV. So as far as they are concerned, one of our favorite things is to spend the evening sitting on the couch enjoying each other's company.

 

狗狗并不懂电视节目的娱乐价值,所以就它们而言,我们最喜欢的事是晚上坐在沙发上享受和它在一起的时光。


——danedori






The funniest movies are made by smart people writing dumb stuff, but the dumbest movies are made by dumb people trying to write smart stuff

 

搞笑电影是聪明人写出来的愚蠢故事,傻逼电影是笨蛋写下了自以为是的聪明。


——CarefulCakeMix






If a person has silicone implants and they die, their implants will eventually be sitting on top of their skeleton in the grave.

 

如果你植入了硅胶假体,你死后它也会伫立在你的骨骸上。


——TrippinShrimp




—End—

有什么其他想说的,可以在公号对话框里私信。

同学们端午节快乐,我们下周二再见!

翻译&编辑:荒野/监督:诺北
推荐阅读