☆Midway through sex my girlfriend's phone started ringing.
"That can wait," I told her.
"Hmm...It might be my boss," she replied.
I tried to get her back into our sexual encounter. "I'm your boss, baby."
"Well, you don't feel like him."
☆I'm so glad I failed as a musician and pop star in the 70s.
Non of the kids I shagged never even knew my name.
☆Man who slapped Emmanuel Macron is a 28-year-old 'medieval role-playing' fan who dresses as a knight, owns a copy of Mein Kampf, and lives with his mother.
At least he's about to lose his virginity.
☆Why is it that for women the words "I promise" do not constitute a promise but for a man the words "sure", "whatever", "maybe", "probably not" and "what?" do?
如果女人嘴里的“我保证”不代表承诺，那男人嘴里的“行” “随便” “或许吧” “可能不是” “什么？”为什么就算呢？
☆What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?
An immediate cessation of funding and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee
☆Dogs don't really understand the entertainment value of what's on TV. So as far as they are concerned, one of our favorite things is to spend the evening sitting on the couch enjoying each other's company.
☆The funniest movies are made by smart people writing dumb stuff, but the dumbest movies are made by dumb people trying to write smart stuff
☆If a person has silicone implants and they die, their implants will eventually be sitting on top of their skeleton in the grave.